Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
