She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
