He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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