i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
