I have demons in me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ttyl tear gas
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
