Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
