This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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