Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
