There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize