The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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