doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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