If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
