Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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