I looked at my own cervix.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
