just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
