isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
