watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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