Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
