She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
