i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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