I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
