So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
