Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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