Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
