Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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