Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
