is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
