Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
