Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize