First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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