i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
