You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
