I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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