it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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