Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
