I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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