i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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