I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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