My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
