In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
