my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
