you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
