Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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