I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
