Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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