smell my finger.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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