You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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