Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
