He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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