Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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