Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
