I think I am morally bankrupt
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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