Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
