If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
