they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
