So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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