i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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