Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
