I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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