I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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