party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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