Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
