toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
