Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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