If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
