i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She's the barista slut.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
