Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
